I’m currently in the process of working very very hard to lose weight. This includes exercising regularly, making smarter food choices and generally just trying to keep myself healthful, which often includes working a bit more at my sleeping habits, too.
So far I’m down about 25 pounds from my heaviest weight. I am making a habit of keeping track of this so that I can look back when I’m a skinny bitch and go “hell to the YES.”
So, there are three more days left in April. This month I’ve lost about 11 pounds, which is a pretty healthy, normal amount of weight loss. Definitely hoping to keep it up. If I DO keep it up, for a whole year, I should be pretty damn close to my goal weight by next April!
I mostly track my food intake and exercises on a website called SparkPeople, which is a wonderful resource for anyone looking to get healthier, even if that health doesn’t include weight loss. It has several weight management goals, a huge index of exercises and workout ideas, a lovely collection of articles about food, life, health, and much more. Best of all, it’s totally free to use, and any adverts you see on the site are worked so well into the layout that I barely notice them.
My weight today would require me to get on the scale, which I only do on Mondays. So I will give you last monday’s weight: 329.4 lbs. Yep, that’s right. I weigh over 300, and before I started this, I was 25 lbs HEAVIER than that first number. I’m sure you can do the math there.
I was in a sad, sad state - and I’m not saying 329 is healthy, either (why do you think I’m still working on it?) but it’s a damn sight better than being a quarter of a ton. A quarter of a ton, just a year or two into my 20’s.
I’m not going to sit here and go on a rant about how hard it is, depressing it is, or how lonely it is, to be that size. I think people can probably imagine for themselves and get pretty close. And maybe there are people out there who are that size, or larger, who are perfectly content to be that way and if they are, and they’re healthy and can honestly look at their lives and smile, POWER to them. Seriously.
It’s just not for me anymore. This is not the person, or the way, I want to be in my life.
I want clothes shopping to be enjoyable, not mortifying. I want to be able to walk around the block without feeling like my heart’s going to burst, or my ankles are going to give out. I want to smile in pictures without plotting the best way to delete the file from the phone or how I’m going to untag myself on facebook later. And damn it, I want to wear an ADORABLE freaking black dress.
These are not the wishes of a drone who’s blinded by mass media about what beauty is. These are the wishes of a woman who’s come to realize that beauty is health and happiness and that the best way to achieve those things are to get rid of the problems that make me UNHAPPY and leave me wondering if I’ll ever get to do what I want to do in life.
Reality check: airlines are probably not going to make their seats any larger anytime soon. Plus size clothes are not going to drop in price. My joints aren’t going to get STRONGER with age, and neuropathy in my feet from diabetes is NOT something I plan on “dealing with”.
Loooong story short: I’m done being the way I am and I am working my ass off (literally) to be a better version of myself.
Onwards to 325!